Random thoughts

As I turned off the lights, the room only gets illuminated by the reflection of the street lights coming inside through the window and crashing somewhere on the wall… but Im looking somewhere else… my usual interaction with that dark ceiling starts once again… I have lost track of how many stories I have been through while looking up there, how many dreams I have seen while diving into the darkness of that piece of my room, how many sighs have scaped from my chest while I was remembering the steps that are taking us to a new place… And here Im again… telling to myself that this story has just started, that the path begins now… and it will be amazing, full of those little surprises that life has for us… but I tell myself that, there will be challenges and obstacles, difficult and painful moments too, but we dont have to be afraid, because the feeling of clearing those challenges is bigger and will teach us great lessons that we will pass on as we grow older…

I believe on it… on you.

When we first came to this world we started living based in our instincts since we don’t have anything else… we relied on the care of our parents to keep growing as keep developing our own knowledge base… a collection of life experiences… gathering them through “trail and error experiments”, sometimes painful, sometimes interesting, sometimes and just sometimes to figure out that we cannot do anything about it…

We learn to walk after falling down many times… we learn by practice and perseverance… we find what we want for our life after going through so many things first… we learn to love after being hurt and so we can find what we really want to protect every day…

So here I’m… still learning and I still have a long way to go… falling down and getting back on my feet again with the will to try again and success… for myself and for the ones I love, for the ones that are yet to come and rely on me to start their own “learning process” through life…

And so I keep living…

“If to get back what I got back its needed to first lost what was lost… if to achieve what has been achieved its needed to bear what had to be beared… If to be in love I must have been hurt… then I have endured the suffering for good, I have cried what I cried for good, because after all I have found that you cannot fully enjoy what you have enjoyed but after having sufferd by that… because after all I finally understand that all the blooming on those trees is living from what it is buried down below…”

“Si para recobrar lo recobrado, debi perder primero lo perdido… si para conseguir lo conseguido tuve que soportar lo soportado… si para estar ahora enamorado, fue menester el haber estado herido, tengo por bien sufrido lo sufrido, tengo por bien llorado lo llorado, por que despues de todo he comprobado que no se goza bien de lo gozado sino despues de haberlo padecido… por que despues de todo he comprendido que lo que el arbol tiene de florido vive de lo que tiene sepultado…”

Why do we, human beings, dream? I bet there are like tons of scientific studies and explanations on the matter and maybe a lot of people had thought about it… but I like to think that dreams are a way to tell ourselves that we dont have boundaries or limits… a vision to remind us what we can achieve if we belive in ourselves and keep doing our best… Or dont you think that the Wright brothers dreamed a lot about flying?? (^w^)

I just felt like writing whatever came to my mind, and guess what… its a rant, like sometimes I use to write to let the stress out of my system without screaming in someone’s face. So be warned, if you are not mature enough to take this text as a random stuff you find on the internet and let it pass like the “non-sense” stuff it is, please find the nearest corner in your house/office/classroom, sit down, hug your knees (fetal position) and repeat to yourself “I feel dirty” until you realize that this is not against anyone or anything, that I just felt like writing based on whatever hormone was making me think at the moment instead of using and actual “useful” part of my body (brain) and it wont last after I finish writing this… then you can come back and read if you still feel like.

well… Im freaking pissed off right now! why? I dont have a clue… but it feels like back in those days when I used to blame the world for everything bad that appear in front of me… but I understand that it is not that, I got over that senseless way of thinking by accepting the consequences of whatever I say or do… then why the freaking hell it feels like this?

Have you ever thought about the future? I like to do it from time to time. 

Do you believe in “fortune telling” stuff? I dont… my future is something I have to build for myself.

If you think like me then you will understand how I feel right now. I fucken hate the idea of being trapped in somewhere (called place, situation or fact), I love freedom, I like to try everything I think its good for me (and If I made a mistake, then its MY mistake and I will bear with the consequences)… so, what if someone tells me that “my future” is already planned or written in the “sky”? hell no! the simple idea of not being able to “change” my future is frustrating as if a freaking cat from hell were bitting my balls and I were to be tied to something, restraining me from the chance to kick the hell out of the cat right in the face before it reaches my legacy!

So there you are… that’s how I feel in this moment… helpless! because the resolution is not in my hands. And please after you read this stuff dont come to me and say “be patient” because I already know and understand the concept and probably you should go back to the first part of this text and repeat the whole “corner” stuff…

What Im gonna do now? I dont have any single idea, im clueless… but thats a good thing because there could be several “re-starting” points. So, adios… my “blame the world” time, I didn’t missed you at all… go the freaking hell and get bite…

Ultimamente le he dado vueltas a cosas que habia estado pensando hace un tiempo… simplemente para intentar dar con la razon por la cual he tomado algunas desiciones… El hecho de estar otra vez en una situacion parecida a la de cuando llegue a japon me hizo pensar por un momento en “por que tengo que sufrir esto otra vez? y si regreso a Mexico? alla tengo trabajo…” y cosas similares pasaron por mi cabeza…. Pero por que no escuche esas ideas?… simplemente por que, gracias a , soy un maldito necio sin remedio que prefiere sufrir las consecuencias de hacer algo que parece dificil, antes que sufrir del remordimiento causado por el “que hubiera pasado?”… y como esa opcion, he optado por otras que parecen mas imposibles… pero asi soy yo… no espero que me entiendas, por que ni yo mismo lo hago…

Hoy es uno de esos dias en los que me he puesto a divagar durante el dia mientras pienso en cosas que realmente no comprendo como es que pasan pero que afectan mi vida de formas que a veces no imagino…

Hoy realmente me cuestione a mi mismo el por que regrese a este habito de escribir lo que pienso… y es que no solamente lo hago como terapia o relax… el escribir se ha convertido, nuevamente, en letras para mi y letras para alguien mas… letras compartidas que quiza pierden el sentido cuando no son leidas por alguien mas…

Como fue que entraste en mi mente?… no lo se, y aun cuando creo ser el indicado para responder esa pregunta, no tengo la respuesta…sin embargo disfruto la sensacion de pensarte… de imaginarte… de escribirte… y me encantaria no dejar de hacerlo…

Extrañaba esta sensacion tanto como extrañaba poder expresarme de esta forma, sin ataduras, sin restricciones y sin temores, dejando fluir todo eso que muchas veces no puedo expresar de una forma natural, pero que espera ser recibido de tantas formas…

Permanece en mi mente y dejame entrar en la tuya… permite que estas letras te alcancen donde quiera que estes y hazlas tuyas en los momentos que necesites soñar y perder el miedo para enfrentar cada obstaculo frente a ti… Toma mi mano y dejame compartir este sueño contigo……..

Hay veces que me gustaria decir tantas cosas, explicar lo que tengo en la mente… pero en esos momentos las palabras no son suficientes… incluso para describir un instante me es imposible decir lo que representa… por eso es que “sentir” y “entender” entre personas es algo tan chido… no se necesitan palabras, idioma o reglas… esos instantes son invaluables…